Let It Go.

I saw this guy the other week, whose wife just left him for another man. And he was still wearing his wedding ring and he had that hopeful “We’re going make it through this” kind of feeling. He was trying to convince himself that it’s going to be ok, but it didn’t look like she was coming back.

A close friend of mine was telling me that she doesn’t have the same kind of beliefs as her family. Every time she goes to a reunion, they all turn on her and she’s just like, “they just get mean and angry, it just gets ugly really fast”

She leaves in tears.

Every time.

Everyone I know has wounds. And some are small, kind of petty, “you just have to get over it” types of things. But for a lot of people, they’re big and serious, deep wounds. Like those documentaries you watch and halfway into the story, the girl just says, “I was raped”.

We can speculate why all this happens, why people do these types of things, and we can try to figure it out forever. But I think what we really want is to be free from this, don’t we? We just want to be alive, healthy, and whole. I mean, I don’t want my past to determine what my life is going to be like. I don’t want the bad decisions that I’ve made to forever identify who I am. Do you?

It can be big things or it can be small. Maybe for you it was just an off-handed comment by somebody you don’t even know. But maybe it was somebody you really loved, or that you still love, and they left you. A business partner who took the money and ran. A relative who abused you. A friend who turned on you. Then, you start trying not to think about it but if you’re like me, you simply end up thinking about it even more than ever. We want to put this stuff behind us, but how?

Or has this ever happened? Just when you think your over it, you think its in the past, then suddenly you either run into that person or you run into something that reminds you of them and what happened between you. It just all comes back like worse than ever. And you thought you were over it but now you’re more into it than ever and the wound is reopened, and it hurts, so much. It becomes a day, a week, or 10 years later and now it’s just become a part of you. Like you can’t shake it and you can’t leave it behind.

I don’t know what you’re carrying around; I don’t know how painful it is, how heavy it is, or how long you’ve been carrying it. But my question is, our question is, where was God when this happened to me? Where was God when I made that decision?

In the book of Psalms it says that Gods “eyes are on the nations.” And in the book of Proverbs, it says that the “eyes of God are everywhere.” So whatever was done to you, whatever wrong was done to any of us, God saw it. God was right there.

In the book of Romans, chapter 12, the writer says, “Don’t take revenge but leave room for God.” He simply says, “Just turn it over to God and let him take care of it!” It’s a nice idea but it isn’t very easy to do, is it?

Revenge is part of our world. We’ll say things like, “I’ll settle the score” or “I’ll teach them” or “They’ll learn not to mess with me” We talk like this all the time. But think about revenge in the deepest spiritual levels. Revenge is really saying to God, “I don’t trust you to deal with this situation. This person wronged me and I can’t turn it over to you because I don’t know what you’re going to do here.” It's simply saying, “So, God, I don’t trust you. And if I get revenge, I can control what happens here. I can control the situation. I actually think I can you your job better than you can.”

I think this is why freedom is so central to Jesus’s teachings. It’s right at the heart of his message. God has forgiven us from all of our sins. He doesn’t hold any of our pasts against us. None of us have clean hands, do we? We all wronged someone. But with Jesus, there’s no condemnation, there’s no list of wrongs, there’s no judgment. The cross is Gods way of saying “I don’t hold the past against you.”

Some people have a warped view of God. They think God’s just waiting to punish them for any wrong things they do. And so even when it comes to doing the right thing, like in this case, forgiveness, there’s this paranoia that if they step out of line at all, God’s waiting right there to squash them. And so any runny nose or any accident, people assume that it’s God punishing them because they weren’t doing the right thing at that time. Everything seems like some kind of judgment or punishment.

But this isn’t the kind of picture that Jesus paints of God. Jesus gives us these pictures of a God who’s full of love and grace and mercy and forgiveness. Who keeps pursuing us and keeps insisting that his way is the best possible way to live. So when I forgive somebody, I’m giving them what God has given to me.

Have you ever heard somebody say, “You know what? They don’t understand. What they did to me was so horrible. I will never forgive them. I can’t forget what they did.”

But what if God said that?

To forgive is to let it go. It's to give up the desire to reprise. But ultimately, to really forgive somebody, I have to actually wish them well. I have to hope that good comes their way. Otherwise, if I’m unable to do that, then I’m really just waiting for them to get punished. I haven’t forgiven them.

Maybe the real point of forgiveness is not other people. We talk about setting them free and letting them go but maybe forgiveness is ultimately about me and you, us. Because when I forgive somebody and I set them free, its like I’m really setting myself free. When I let them off the hook, I’m really letting myself off the hook. If I’m still carrying all the stuff around, it’s a miserable way to live.

I don’t know what you’re carrying around, or how long you’ve been carrying it. But as we journey through life, we hurt, and we get wounded, and we end up carrying these debts that people owe us. We carry them with us everywhere we go. And after a while, these bags get heavy don’t they? They can end up making the journey exhausting. God didn’t create you to carry that stuff around. God created you to be free from bitterness, from rage and anger and revenge. Free from feeling like you’re the judge of the world. What does it look like to just let it go?

Maybe you have to do something; maybe it’s a phone call, an email, or a face-to-face conversation. Or maybe there’s just that moment where deep in the very fiber of your being you just say, I’m not going carry that around for one more day. And this might be the first step in a long process of letting it go. But we need to start that today; we need to do that today. Now. Forgiving is an action, is something you do.

So may you forgive as you’ve been forgiven. May you give to others what’s been given to you. May you set someone free and find out that it was you. And may you do it today.

Because you might not have the chance tomorrow.

Feel that Rhythm.

I was recently talking to a friend, and she was telling me how the other day she was pulling into a parking lot and the space closest to the building opened up. She said it was a sign that God was with her. This reminded me of the time I was at the grocery store with my mom a couple years back. One of the items she wanted was on sale that day so she says “This just shows how great God is!” A while ago ago, one of my dear friends lost her uncle when his cancer suddenly came back and I remember around that same time, one of my relatives had been healed. Everyone was talking enthusiastically about how God had intervened and healed their sickness and the whole time I’m thinking, “Well, what about my friend’s uncle? Where was God? Why hadn’t God intervened with him?” If God can help people find things on sale, why doesn’t he spend more time on things that seem so much more important? Like hurricanes, and earthquakes, famines, sickness.

When you think about God, when you hear the word God, what images come to mind? An old man with a beard, sitting behind a white curtain and working a whole bunch of levers…healing some and finding parking spaces for others? I think for many people their concept of God is build around a God who is outside of everything - a God who is somewhere else – a God who made the world and then stands back, and watches it from this other vantage point. A God who’s up there and from time to time comes here.

The problem with this concept of God is that you end up having to prove that this God exists. What happens then is we start with real life (we focus on the things that we can actually see, feel, touch) what we all agree actually "exists". And then people start arguing and debating whether there is a God somewhere who had something to do with this – the things that “exist”. But the writers of the Bible seem far less interested in proving whether God exists and far more interested in what God is like. Like in the book of Exodus, a man named Moses wants to know God’s name, and God responds, “I Am.” God is beyond anything our minds can comprehend. What does it mean to have a personal relationship with this kind of God? For me, it’s just so hard to put my mind around! I believe that God listens, that he cares and he’s involved, but I find the whole relationship idea hard to comprehend. And then, loving this kind of God, what does that look like? What does it mean? And more importantly – how do you do it?

When I think of God, I hear a song. It’s a song that moves me; it has a melody, a certain rhythm. And people have heard this song for hundreds and hundreds of years, across continents and cultures and time periods. People have heard this song and found it captivating, astonishing, and they have wanted to hear more. There has always been a crowd of people who have denied this song, who can’t hear the music – but the song keeps playing.

Jesus came to show us how to live in tune with the song. He’s the way, and the truth, and the life. People always argue that their religion is better than all the other religions – but the last thing Jesus came to do was start a new religion. Instead, he came to show us reality. He came to show us how things are. Jesus is like God taking on flesh and blood. So in his generosity, in his compassion – that’s what God’s like. In his telling of the truth – that’s what God’s like. In his love and forgiveness and sacrifice – that’s what God’s like. That’s who God is. That’s how the song goes.

The song is playing all around us all the time. It’s written on our hearts. And everybody is playing the song. The question isn’t whether or not you’re playing the song – it’s, are you in tune with it? --- Written in the book of Acts, it says that God gives us life and breath and everything else. God is generous. So when we’re stingy and selfish and we refuse to give – we are out of tune with the song. Later, in one of John’s letters, it says that God Is Love. Unrestrained. Unconditional. Love. So when we see someone sacrifice themselves for another, for the well being of someone else, it’s like their playing in the right key. That’s why it’s so inspiring and powerful - there in tune with the song.

Some of us know a lot more about music than others. They know stuff about pitch, and modes, keys, instruments. They hear things that maybe other people can’t. They appreciate other things people might miss. It’s also possible to be so caught up with the technical aspects of the song that you miss the simple, pure enjoyment of hearing it.

There are also people who talk as if they know everything about being a Christian – but yet they seem so out of tune. But others who would say they don’t know much at all about the Christian faith, can seem very in tune. I’ve met lots of people who struggle with what it means to have a relationship with God – but they haven’t lost faith and love, hope, truth and compassion, justice and generosity.

And maybe you have this sense like you have no relationship with God because all these things and ideas about what that means, things that you have been told about what it is or what it isn’t - the idea of this infinite, massive, invisible God -that’s just hard to get our minds around. But truth, love, grace, mercy, justice, and compassion – that’s the way that Jesus lived. I can see that. I can understand that. I can relate to that. I can play that song.

So may you come to see the song is written on your heart. And as you live in tune with the song, in tune with the creator of the universe – may you realize that you are in relationship with the one living God. He is love. unrestrained. Unconditional. Love.

Power of True Worship

What is worship?

I have to admit, I used to think that it was meant to tell God how great he is. Simply a time to sing familiar hymns once a week – only because it felt like it was something that I was expected to do. To me, it felt like God wanted our worship whether we felt like it or not. I now understand that I had a very shallow understanding of what worship truly means. I had it all wrong. I couldn't’t understand why the Angles in heaven could worship God, only because I truly didn’t understand why and how God deserved worship.

The answer is really simple.

He wants our love.

God, the creator, loves what he has created. This is why he has given us a free will to love Him back or not. The simple fact that God wants us to love Him, erases the notion, for me, that He wants attention or recognition just because he is God - He wants our love given to Him voluntarily and freely, not just out of duty. If God forced us to love Him, our love wouldn’t be our choice and we have a word for this…its called rape. God is not looking to force himself on us, but wants us to come to Him freely. The more I study his word, the more I understand who God really is…the more I start to understand the true meaning and the power of true worship.

I recently started reading a wonderful book called “Kissing the Face of God” by Sam Hinn. Let me tell you, it has completely started to change my views and perspectives of what it means to truly, truly worship God. In one of the chapters, it talks about how the enemy sets “traps” to ground our praise. I know personally, I have experienced many of these traps in the few past months. Whether it’s feeling distracted during a time of praise, or feeling a certain heaviness on my heart. One trap I know many people struggle with is the trap of tradition. I’d love to share his words:

“Jesus spoke to the religious leaders of His day by saying to them, “[You are] making the word of God of no effect through your tradition which you have handed down. Any many such things you do.” (Mark 7:13)

Man invented religion to keep God at a safe distance. Humans substituted religion for relationship with God. They reasoned, “Here’s what we will do. We will build God a house and put Him in it. If God stays in the house we build for Him, then we can keep Him out of ours. We will also give God a day of worship (like Sunday), and the other six will be ours to do what we want. We will give Him an hour; and that way all the other hours are ours to enjoy. If we keep God at a safe distance, maybe then He won’t interfere with what we want to do.”

Traditions are those things we do because they have been handed down. Man-taught principles that are not rooted in the Word of God are the traditions of men. A man-made tradition teaches people ways of approaching God religiously, ways that appear to be worship of God in a church service – and often the people’s hearts are far from Him.

Traditions prompt us to expect things that are irrelevant to God’s kingdom. Human tradition expects people to dress and act a certain way at church. We expect worship to last a prescribed length of time. Religion says that we praise for a certain length of time, and then we worship. After worship we must have announcements. Then we have a message. Tradition says that a certain style must govern the way we sing our songs.

Human traditions dictate the way we worship. But worship isn’t prescribed by tradition; it springs from the heart and is lead by the Spirit.
In the Old Testament, the Israelites were constantly trying to worship God through tradition instead of from the heart. Listen to what God says through the prophet Micah:
“With what shall I come before the LORD and bow down before the exalted God? Shall I come before him with burnt offerings, with calves a year old? Will the LORD be pleased with thousands of rams, with ten thousand rivers of oil? “ -Would that please him? What he be satisfied? If you sacrificed your oldest child, would that make him glad? Then would he forgive your sins? Of course not!
- Micah 6:6-7

In Job we read that nothing we do moves God:

“If you sin, does that shake the heavens and knock God from his throne? Even if you sin again and again, what effect will it have upon him? Or if you are good, is this some great gift to him? Your sins may hurt another man, or your good deeds may profit him.”
- Job 35:6-8

Traditions – no matter how good or bad, old or new, exciting or dull – cannot shape true worship. Traditions are those things that lessen true worship and cause our faith in God to stifle. They are nothing more than formalism, the outward demonstrations of religion, the observance of forms, rules, methods taught by men that make the Word of God of no effect. True worship flows from the clean hands and a pure heart. In Isaiah 29:13, God reveals:

“Therefore the Lord said: Inasmuch as these people draw near with their mouths and honor me with their lips, But have removed their hearts far from Me, And their fear toward Me is taught by the commandment of me…”

Traditions are formed by the commandments of men. The result of man-made worship takes the shape of an external form shaped by rules, but it doesn't flow out of the inner person, the spirit man – the heart. “

Summer Nights...here I come :j

Sorry I haven’t posted anything in a while…it’s just crazy how busy everyone gets at the end of the school year. Wait, let me correct myself: actually, it’s crazy how un-busy (is that even a word?) everyone gets because all you find yourself doing is studying, and writing note cards, and re-reading science chapters, and reviewing, and studying and studying and studying. Yes, that is ALL I’ve been doing the past week. Safe to say, all that crazy studying paid off! I did fairly well on all my finals, ending with: B, A, B+, A, B, A = 3 -point- something GPA :) WHOHOO!!

Right now I’m sitting on my bed writing this, and I can’t even describe what I’m feeling at this very moment. You know, it’s the same exact feeling I get every single year the night before the last day of school…something between overwhelming happiness - relief - and excitement. It seems like only yesterday was I wide awake, dreading the morning and heading off to school for the first time as a freshman…haha, I must have looked so ridiculous walking around like a zombie clenching a school map in my hand and not knowing where a single thing was. 1 year down, 3 more to go :)

Oh! Did you guys see the “Google” logo’s today? I must say, they were the cutest things ever!! The perfect way to welcome the first day of summer!! -Hmm, maybe this is why I've been listening to Rascal Flatts "Summer Night's" all day?

Speaking of summer, this weekend I got a chance to get away from typical Washington weather and catch some sunshine in British Columbia, Canada. My family, my sister’s fiancé and my future in-laws all went…let me tell you, definitely one of the best Saturdays I’ve had this year!!! Turns out that my future sister-in-law (Juliya) is literally my fraternal twin! The minute we met, it was like a stoplight turning green…we clicked instantly! It was overall one amazing day….(the first one just cracks me up, we all have such different expressions! :)





Next stop: Kansas City! I'm so excited to head on the airplane Wednesday morning and jump from Washingtons high 60's to Kansas high 90's! :D I hope everyone has an amazing last day of school...and i'll keep you posted on some of my summer adventures! :D Be blessed!!

Summer, please hurry up?

The best way to get something done is to begin. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my life, it’s that procrastination always has a way of coming right back and hitting you square in the face. That’s been proven true in 4th grade, in 8th grade, and yes, proven true once more these past couple days. For some reason, we high-school students (well, actually…any kind of students) think that putting things off will make the stress somehow disappear. Well…here’s your wake-up call: It Doesn’t. If anything, it makes it worse. I’ll do it later, I’ll do it in an hour, ugh, I’ll wake up earlier and do it in the morning…um, I’ll do it 5 minutes in class before it’s due. Ha, yeah…unfortunally, I’m one of those hopeless procrastinators who leaves everything school-related to the very last minute. If it weren’t for that last minute, I would never get anything done.

Before I started writing this post, I typed “procrastination” into Google to do a little research beforehand. The screen flickered to a bunch of “Help your teenager stop procrastinating in 4 easy steps” pages (keep on dreaming parents). Yeah, as if we’ve never heard it all before: make a list of the things you need to do, turn cell phone off, etc. I was getting pretty bored until I scrolled down and read: “And for the last and final tip...STOP DOING ON-LINE RESEARCH ABOUT PROCRASTINATION, AND START DOING ALL THOSE THINGS YOU SHOULD HAVE FINISHED YESTERDAY!!!” Pretty funny, i must say.

Anyways, this school year is finally winding down…finals and tests for the next two weeks. I just hope that God gives me the strength to focus, stay on top of my game, and finish up the school year strong. That’s why I’ve just been praying…give me strength to survive the next two weeks and most importantly stop putting everything off!

A friend reminded me of this verse and I’ve just been saying it over and over in my head all day:

“But those who hope in the LORD, will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
Isaiah 40:31

I need to write this down and post it on my binder…as a daily reminder. Our heavenly father is there for us, no matter what we’re going through. If you trust him and put your hope in him alone, he will give you the strength to overcome any battle. So, the Lord is our strength. We just need to truly believe in that. Here’s another one:

“I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”
Philippians 4:13

Isn’t it good to know that he has your back? No matter what? Now, that’s one true amazing friend if you ask me:)

I just want to wish all of you students…just hang in there! Summer will be here before you know it!!! Plus, in 100 years, will it really matter how you did on that dreaded algebra 2 final?? Hmm, not really:)

*Seashells*

There’s this billboard for a cell phone company on the freeway near where I live and it says that if you get this new phone, you’ll be able to “Get it done”. Ha! Someone should rent the next billboard down the freeway and put a question on it: “Get what done?” Because I’m not that convinced many people really need an even better cell phone with more features.

It seems like so many people never stop moving…going from place to place: school, work, their jobs, meetings and errands. And yet life, with some sense, is simply passing them by. Their doing so many things, a little bit of everything, and yet it isn’t much of a life.

There is a story of Jesus in the book of mark. He’s in this village and he’s healing all these people. The next day, his disciples go out to look for him and once they find him, he’s all alone…praying. They say to him “everyone’s been looking for you!” Why would they be looking for him? Because he’s been healing the sick, restoring lives, giving hope, teaching, and doing that thing that he does…making things right. Jesus answers them, “Let’s leave…let’s go to the other villages so I can preach there also because that’s exactly why I’ve come.” And then he leaves.

There’s this whole village that wants him to stay, and he basically says “nope, gotta go”. There’s this opportunity to do so much good, to help so many people…but he turns them down.
Jesus doesn’t do everything. His reason is that he needs to keep on moving.

We see this movement continue in the book of Luke. If you look back, he’s constantly moving, setting out to a new place. After a while, we get a sense that Jesus is headed somewhere…and that somewhere is Jerusalem. No, he wasn’t some pre-programmed Robot who didn’t have any control over his own life…he gets erupted along the way and even most of his teachings were about his responses to the questions people asked him. You see, he can’t be everything to everybody. It’s not the fact that he’s going to Jerusalem….it’s that he has a compass, he has an orientation...he has a way to orient his life, a path that he follows. Jesus say’s no because he’s already said yes. He’s very clear about what his life is about.

Do you have a hard time saying no? Or here’s a better question…what have you said yes to? You can’t say no until you have said yes to something else. It’s not a surprise that Jesus is alone when his disciples find him. He’s been surrounded by this crowd that has so much expectations, strong opinions about what he should be doing, and who he should be doing it for.So Jesus steps back and checks himself. He listens to God and makes sure that all these voices aren’t leading him off track. You never see Jesus doing anything out of obligation…that’s actually the tension in the Gospels…because he is willing to go against the expectations of the crowds in order to be true to the few things he is pursuing. He doesn’t let what everyone wants direct his path. You never see Jesus stressed about letting someone down or worried about what people are going to think. You never hear him saying, “Oh, I’m just so busy.”

You have a life, these God-given energies. And if they aren’t focused and disciplined in really specific way…they fall off track, they fade, and they just aren’t as strong as they could be. But when you will the one or the few most important things, you’re focusing your God-given energies.

We all find ourselves, on a daily basis, saying, “I’m just SO busy” or “Man, I just have SO much going on”.

Why?

Look at your calendar…all the things your involved in, all the things you have to do, places you have to be…just ask that question again: Why?

In our culture today, being busy is a drug that millions of people are addicted to. Obviously, sometimes there are specific situations in life…exceptions: when a loved one gets sick, you may be starting a new job, whether its school or family…whatever it may be. But, we MUST examine the rhythms of our life if we are ever going to will that one thing.

Have you ever heard someone say that they are, “drowning in good”? You see, the enemy of the best isn’t always the worst. Sometimes the enemy of the best is the good. It’s when we become so busy doing all these good things that we have no energy left to will that one thing.

Whenever I go to the beach, I love looking for seashells. Walking along the shore, I never actually find shells, just these pieces…fragile fragments and parts of shells. I mean, they’re still amazing in their complexity and design, but they’re just the pieces of what used to be …whole. So I’m just walking, collecting all these pieces of shells when I look a little father ahead and see this beautiful starfish just floating up on the surface of the water. As I reach down to grab it, I notice something’s stopping me from reaching out and seizing that starfish…
My hands are filled with shells.

Are you too busy? Doing so much that your hands are filled with shells? And some of it, maybe even all of it may be good, but you just can’t grab hold of the starfish…

Drop your shells in the pursuit of a simple, disciplined, focused life in which you pursuit the few things God has for you. Be like Jesus, say no because you’ve already said…

Yes.

A Real Awakening

10:11am: Sitting in Biology class, half listening – half sleeping through the teachers lecture on some kind of chemical bonds, nobody seems to be paying any attention. Half of the class has already dozed off, some are furiously typing away on their cell phones, Stacy is busy checking her hair for split ends (typical), occasionally you hear that huge “smack” from the back of the room,

“Andrew, this is my FINAL warning…throw your gum away, or get out of my
classroom...where was I? Energy is stored within the structure of molecule
bonds and….”

Sigh.
I’m sitting by the window, watching the heavy rain beat against the glass. It was one of those moments when I wished I was anywhere but here.

As the door suddenly opens, all heads turn.

None of us have seen him before.
His shoes were torn, his hair was a wet, tattered mess, his loose Red Sox jacket was ripped on the sleeve and a red cap was on his head. From head to toe, he looked like a mess. In one hand he held a crimpled piece of paper and in the other, a skimpy brown paper bag.

“This is room 207, right? I’m James Moon. Sorry I’m late. This is my new science class?” he said.

“Sure is, kiddo. Class, welcome our new student. James take your seat in the back, your next tardy will be a lunch detention – I don’t like being interrupted. Moving on, heat is most common recognized as…”

Except none of us cared about the effects of heat, all eyes were on James. The air was filled with an ocean of flash judgments: What’s with the shoes? Where is he from? Why does he LOOK like that? As he made his way to the back of the room, I couldn’t help but notice all the glares, snickers, and whispers suddenly filling the atmosphere. The air became so tense I could hardly breathe.

- Under a few seconds, he had already become the next class target. The sad part is, none of us knew anything about him –

James sat down.
He seemed to be completely ignorant of the stares. Instead, his eyes sparked with a warm shimmer of excitement, his smile seemed almost a bit too…friendly.
Automatically I’m thinking, “What’s with this kid? Here we are, staring him down from head to toe, not even giving him a chance before deciding his “name tag” – looser, outcast…worthless.

Why are we so fast to judge?
Here is someone…with a past, with hopes and dreams, talents and achievements. Yes, he’s probably made mistakes, he has regrets, he’s failed….
But haven’t we all?
What gives us the right to decide who someone is, what their like, what their permanent image is in our minds…even before we get the chance to talk to them, to figure them out, to befriend them.

This reminds me of the story when Jesus was rejected by the people of his hometown. During his life, he did nothing but serve people and bring the gospel to all who wanted to hear it. He healed the sick, gave hope to the hopeless, life to the lifeless, he put all of his time and effort to make the world a better place; teach people how to love one another, how to respect, listen, how to live. All of this was available to anyone who wanted healing; who wanted a new faith, a new life – all of this was given to them without cost. Yet still, they rejected him. They mocked and beat him…for what? Being the savior of the world?

For the next couple weeks, James showed up to school…wearing the exact same thing as the day before. Every day, he would get picked on, he would be stared at, he would sit alone at lunch, sit alone in class….everyday, completely and utterly…alone.
But not once did I see him sad or even bothered by the laughs and comments. Not once did I see him returning those mean looks. He was always kind, always respectful, always smiling.

One day my teacher assigned a project that ended up changing my life.
The project was to pair up with someone else and come up with a project showing examples of science in our everyday lives.

“Stacy you will be with Mark, Marty you’re with Blake, Karina, let’s see
here…you’re with James.”

After a round of sympathy glances, James came over to where I was sitting…

“Hey, this is going to be great! You know, I already have a ton of ideas.
I’m thinking maybe we could do something relating to….”

Day by day, I began to see another side of him. He wasn’t just that kid in the back seat who everyone made fun of. He was an artist, a writer; apparently also into rock climbing. He loved the outdoors, cooking and inventing. He was a dreamer, a brother, a son…and a really unique individual overall. Getting to know him, I realized that yes, he was a teenager with everyday struggles and achievements – just like the rest of us. But, there was something special about him.

One day I decided to ask him.

“James?” I asked.
“Yes?”
“Why are you so….happy all the time? How come the way people treat you
doesn’t seem to bother you? Why is that, every day, you come to school with a smile?

He looked a bit surprised at first, but after a second his eyes became narrow, and he got this faraway look in his eyes. He replied:

“My mother died about a year ago” he said.

“Wow, I’m so sor-“

“No, stop -“ he interrupted,
“You know, for a long time after she passed away, I was angry; angry at my family, my friends, at the world, most importantly with…God for taking her away. I just didn’t understand why he had to take her. Before long, I started being furious with myself; thinking that it was somehow my fault she wasn’t here anymore. I started hating my life, everything and everyone around me: I was mad that I didn’t have a mom, that we were poor, that our house was tiny and old, why I couldn’t have a fairy-tale kind of life….just about everything in my life was black, broken, and bruised. Man, it was just the worst time of my life. One afternoon, I was walking home and it started pouring like crazy. I still can’t figure out what came over me that day, but I started running, screaming like crazy – of course, the rain was so loud, I doubt anyone heard me – but I let it all out that day.”

I was speechless.
“So, you let it all out, and just like that, you forgot everything and turned around? Is that even possible to do?” I said.

He grinned and let out a short laugh.

“You still don’t understand, do you? Karina, it’s a process. Believe me; it took a long,long time to heal everything that had been broken. Even now, the pain is still there. But, you want to know what I learned? It wasn’t anybody’s fault that my mom passed away. She had Parathyroid cancer. At first, they thought it was curable, after time it started to get worse. She died at the hospital. One reason I became so rebellious is that after all my years of believing in God, I couldn’t understand why he would let something like that happen. I felt like I was being punished for something I did.”

He stopped for a second, and looked at me straight in the eyes;

“God does not want bad things to happen in life. Instead, bad things happen in the freedom that comes with the gift of life. We are free people, not puppets on a string. Things just happen. People pass away, get sick, hit by a car…mothers lose their children – sometimes even in birth, and boys lose their mothers…that’s just how it works. I’ve learned that through all the suffering and pain, God suffers with us. He is just as hurt and wounded as we are. Any "bad" thing which happens is never the last word. Rather, God is the deepest and last word, and that word is love and eternal life with God. All throughout this period, I know God has been there with me: helping to heal my pain, helping me collect the pieces broken by experience – helping me become whole again - whole as I was intended and created to be from the beginning by this loving God. I know even though it was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through, it helped me get closer with my heavenly father. Most importantly, it helped me learn to place my trust in Him by faith and not rely on materialistic things”

It was quiet for a moment before he finally added,

“You know, it’s always the bigger things in life that seem to choose you. You can say what you want, believe what you will believe…but I’ll take what I want. And that is a life where I’m happy. A life where even through the hardships I can find God’s hand leading me through it, where I just don’t care what people think or say about me, where I can go outside and see God in anything I look at; the flowers, the wind rustling the leaves in the tree, the sound of the ocean, my dad’s laughter, anything! I never want to look back to the things that I had, or the ones that I’ll never need…those things just don’t matter. I can close my eyes and listen; until I can remember; her laughter, the way her eyes sparkled whenever I succeeded, the way her arms were always open when I needed a hug…she’s still here. I can feel it. She might not be exactly alive physically, but I have memories…and that’s definitely enough to keep her spirit alive.”


The sound of the bell startled me and I realized I had started crying like crazy. My mascara was smudged under my eyes, but I didn’t care. Before I was able to say anything, James was already heading out the door.

That night, a wave of guilt passed through my heart. How could I have been so selfish… so stupid? Here I am, blessed to have a home, food on the table, a family that loves me more than I can express, and a heavenly Father that is forever watching over me with love and affection…and still, I constantly complain. Sometimes, even over the smallest things. James, who’s been through so much pain and experienced an overwhelming loss, still manages to come to school with a positive attitude…never complaining about anything. Thinking about it made me cry all over again.

The truth is, we all are guilty, aren't we? In the first three chapters of Romans you will find that everyone is guilty because everyone has sinned and come short of the glory of God. There is no one righteous, no one who seeks God, no one who does good. We have all violated God's law. We are the rebels and enemies of God. We are the guilty ones, no matter who we are. We are the ones who ought to be rejected. But the great surprise is that in our place and in our behalf God rejected another--his own Son, who was both - a perfect God and a perfect man. That was his eternal plan of salvation.

The next day, my spirits were lifted. I couldn’t wait until science to see James! I had so much to tell him, and even more to ask.
As 3rd period rolled around, I couldn’t help but notice, the seat in the back of the room was empty.

“Where is he? Ok, maybe he’s just late…I’m sure it’s nothing serious” – I thought to myself.

After 20 minutes, still no sign of him. While the rest of the class paired up to work on their projects, I sat alone…looking outside the window once more…wondering where he could be.

The door suddenly opened, and the principal walked in. The room became silent as she headed towards the middle of the room. When she turned around, all of us could see that something terrible had happened. she starts to talk but my world collapses as I hear bits and pieces fall to the floor.

“Class there's been....accident....classmate....James was in the....they called an ambulance...not enough time...."

Silence.
……………………………………………………………………………

From that moment on – the room went black. I didn’t hear anyone or anything but my own heartbeat and a voice inside me refusing to believe the truth. – She's Lying. There's no way! He's not really dead, what do they know?! What about our project? What about all the things I need to tell him? –

No matter how much I told myself, I eventually had to face the truth. He was gone.

- And I never even got to say thank you. –

I’m sure the whole class felt guilty that day, just like I did. We didn’t accept him for who he was, and now he was gone.

Jesus knew he would be abused, and rejected - but he was the perfect, sinless, God-become-man. He was God, the Messiah, and the King. He was the Prophet, the Savior, the Creator, and the Redeemer. He was the unique Son of God. He "made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant…being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death, even the death of the cross" (Phil. 2:7, 8)

Jesus had given up everything in order to save us – in order to save you! In this case, we are the losers, outcasts…we are worthless. But still, he died for us – taking up all our sin shame with him so that we could be forever free in him.

I don’t think we realized that his presence made a huge impact in our classroom…I’m sure his smile had made someone’s day, his lasting optimistic attitude had maybe lifted someone’s spirit, and as for me…


He had changed my life.